There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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