There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
