Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize