i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
