Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
