when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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