I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
