90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize