This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
