i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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