So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
