his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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