He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize