You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
