The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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