No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
