final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
