Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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