Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
