A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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