I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
