Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
