Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
