i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
