You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize