Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
