No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize