I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
