Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
