you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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