i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
