At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
