Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
