Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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