Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
