Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
