awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
