It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
