Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This house was built for laser tag.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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