Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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