Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
