I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
