I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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