Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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