Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize