My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
