Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
