Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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