this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
