also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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