After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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