Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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