Betty ford says i'm here all night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
