So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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