Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
