Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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