Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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