hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
