You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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