So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
