My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
