Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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