if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
