let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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