Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize