ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
