brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
