Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
