All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
