dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
