I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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