there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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