You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
