how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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