Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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