accomplished twins. life is a go
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
