Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
