Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
