what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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