I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
