HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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