The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
