my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
as a side note pls kill me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
