i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
