the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize