margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
