I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
