Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
