My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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