We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
