saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize