70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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