last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
