is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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