Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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