beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
