Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
